shaman of smile

love – creating it, being it, knowing it, sharing it

Try this:

Imagine a Care Bear dipped in white phosphorus

Trick-riding tip-toe on a Hindu rhinoceros,

who rolls like a stone and collects rainbow mind-floss,

who shoots down sad-frown thoughts like a Tee-Hee-Free-Shine Boss.

A junkie for eyeballs that squeeze shut upon greeting

pushed up the smile invoked by the meeting

(The meeting, agreed to be delayed and fleeting),

Prelude to the under-hug drum of hearts beating*

*the sound that reminds me

on up- down- and in- sides, he

is part me, but she, and so 

perfectly we, see:

She: twists light like a shaman,

His senses: uncommon.

Our joy: drips quick flips, instant, like ramen

instant and sudden: reverse, stop, then flourish.

Meander morphs easily,

Sprint threatens skirmish,

Then spicy sweet heat dissipates to a nourish.

THIS is the marvel: the meander and stay

while at night we conspire with past stars to create

the next play.

The scramble stretch dance,

the pray sway play scrape

Til we find that we’ve grooved our self  right through a gate.

(Insert blissed-out AMEN here).


I Love You


I had u like a jelly  has her tentacles 
Like a son has his umbilical
Like an egocentric climber on Everest has the pinnacle.

There were evenings so delectable
Disregarding the predictable
Expectations redefined Then set in stone across a pool table

Love turned incomprehensible 
Actions indefensible
Offenses multiplying like a gang of furry space tribbles.

I was done
You were numb
Parts negated the sum
Heartache faded the sun
Memories had been drunk,
Drunk and pissed out like rum

Then came:
a trip to the clouds
Where rocks talk out loud
And anger no longer protects men like shrouds.

So we unwrapped sticky tentacles,
Gnawed dry umbilicals,
imagined a space where living joyful was pinnacle.

Now our persons are seperater,
But our orbits, molecular.
The way light waves make visions but aren’t part of your retina.

The way lightning ignites
Or music excites
We together are catalysts for this lifetime’s delights

‘Cause without me you’d be you
And I’d still be me too
But why’d we be ones when this two feels so true?

What happens when you meditate:

My third eye don’t get stuck with puss.

Went from ‘I-you-them’ to mostly ‘uss.’

Your face to me is shiny wonderouss.

One smile from me, throw out your opi-uttss.

Watch me walk, you’re seein’ lushussnuss.

My backbone slips; I don’t develop russt.

Got a man so hot it’s hard not to lusst.

(He loves me so tender I’m  singin’ Elvuss

 and I  feed his belly with delishushnuss.)

On a happy train call me the Conductoruss,

I drink rainbows like Popeye eats Spinuch

And smash sadness like Hulk’s my aliuss.

Fabulous Nebulous Goddess of Progress is me, meditating.


My ankles are weak but my feet are sturdy

My bellybutton’s deep but never dirty

I type so fast set fire to a QWERTY

Here’s my point (I’ll prolly get wordy):

Heaven’s door was recessed.not so good was my best.It took money and honey to make me feel blessed.

There were injuries, absurdities, addictions and rushes.Cancerous deleterious hallucinations and crutches.

Then my feet slipped.all reality flipped.The good was now bad and my white cloak had ripped.

So I wiped clean my up on my toes.Leaped off the cliff and fell into the flow.

Beliefs cast in steel, and long-looks and deals, crumbled like cavities.Unsteady.Unreal.

I saw life as a habit, just like huntin’ wabbits.Desperate obsessions that manifest bad bits.

My face was erased.and all I could taste was bloody and urgent.My comfort: effaced.

Coughed up my insides on seashells at low tide.Made love to the moon and gave birth to a pearl scythe.

(A scythe is a tool used by a fool to awkwardly reap what she knows to be true)

SO by my estimation my heart-glow’s inflation is all I will trust as real information.


(I trust my generous awakened honest creative loving heart)

Om. Peace. Amen.

Awesome is as Awesome Does

Well I’m not too old but I’m not too young.

I’ve lost a little and I’ve picked up some.

I walk around smiling, just because.

And I’m better now than I think I was.

There’s one thing I’ve learned that lights up my days:

(It was told me by Nicky and she always smiles when she says)

“Awesome is as Awesome Does!”

rainbow life

my life is a rainbow from violet to red

birds sing for a chance to build nests in my dreds

got a king who does yoga then rests in my bed

kids love me ’cause I cut the crusts off their bread

my 1st chakra shines bright intense infrared

my last chakra faithfully tests words I have said

when worst thoughts come knockin’ I think best thoughts instead

jealousy, pride are the pests I have shed

resentment and fear and their mess have all fled

my heart was too big for my chest so it spread

joy starts in my toes, rolls up, crests in my head

a full spectrum of love waves here sent to my friends

I like the way…

I like the way my young boy stutters.

I love the     drawn     out      words     he utters.

He forces me to stop. and. listen.

to put down trivial things I’m doin’.

The most important thing I do all day

is really hear what he has to say.

‘Cuz my boy’s so far surpassed

This black n’white grey-scale grey matter cast

that I’ve for so long called my brain.

His dreams fall on my ears like rain.

And, like rain, the drama’s at the start

when the black clouds gather and the floodgates part.

So, too, my boy commands attention

commencing sentences with pure intention.

His intention’s strong enough to cause

his lips and tongue to seem, well, flawed

(to others, maybe, not to me-

my boy’s talking sets ME free).

But if I could see in front of me

the creations of my world of sleep

I don’t think I’d care if I pronounced

exactly correctly the magic I announced.

Worth hanging on

Me Tigris – You Euphrates . My deerskin – your hand

You the sun between bulls horns

The snake

     the tree

             the dove

             the drum

                     Lions sleeping

                             below our bed



in a lotus,











This how it feels to be Inanna

This is how it feels


this time












codependency, frustration, adoration

I don’t want to add more pressure by being forward, I don’t want to make you feel rejected by holding back, I don’t want to make you feel cut-off from our kids, friends, and family by ‘managing’ them away from you, I don’t want to make you feel pressured and then snap at them because I let you deal with them but you didn’t want to, I don’t want to be too needy and dependent when you’re already feeling down, I don’t want to seem flippant and cold because I’m trying to leave you alone, I don’t want to make you feel controlled and dependent by doing you favors and offering you comfort and food, I don’t want to make you feel abandoned and on your own by avoiding doing the nice things I want to do for you, I don’t want you think I hold grudges and make you apologize, I don’t want you to think I’m a chump because I don’t need you to apologize, I don’t want you to think I’m oblivious to your and our problems because I am still happy despite them and sort of grateful for our trials, but I don’t want you to think I’m pretending to be positive to balance your negatives ‘cuz I’m not, I don’t want you to feel judged when I talk about things you don’t agree with, but I don’t want you to be surprised by my opinions and then feel left-out of my thought process, I don’t want you to feel like less of a man by bringing up your failures, but I don’t want you to think I’m stroking your ego and being patronizing by highlighting your strengths, I don’t want you to hate me. I just want you to love me. I don’t want to say or do anything ever that might make you doubt for one second that I love you, that might make me doubt for one second that I love you. I don’t want you to feel trapped by monogamy, but I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t important enough for me to be jealous over.  Every word I say, every gesture I make, I want it to make you feel better. I want to be magic. I want to have an unending supply of fucking rainbow-colored razors so that at night when you were sleeping, I could slice open your skull and coax out all of the scared, hiding, dark thoughts that are grasping desperately at the bright parts of you, with a ‘sh-sh-sh, it’s all gon’ be alright’ and as soon as they finally slink outta that beautiful head I want to STOMP them with big tough spiky boots so they never never come back because I’m so goddamn sick of seeing warriors acting like fools because they don’t fit, because they aren’t content just slinking into the shadows of this country, because they know somewhere inside of them that they were meant to be stronger than this, that their skills aren’t appreciated because being fiercely loyal-vigilant-protective-intuitive-determined-powerful doesn’t mean shit to the people who run this place if it doesn’t give you money or prestige, that some old fucking white protestant created the mold and they’ll NEVER fit into it, but giving up on the game is terrifying, knowing that opting out isn’t admitting defeat is all but beaten out of boys.  So you pick the wrong battles and put all of your energy into pushing pushing pushing because you were made to push your body all out, run fast and hard and keep going till you secured survival, create a giant fire for your woman to tend, give your boys the keys to succeeding in fulfilling their purpose in the family – but how do you teach them what you can’t see anymore?  Your role has blurry edges now, and you’re a lion taking orders from fieldmice, giving false compliments to vultures all day so you can bring home an unsatisfactory living. No wonder you start to hate the people who open your cage and let you out every once in a while, the people you bring your shitty empty crowfood to.  No wonder you don’t believe them when they tell  you they love you, because YOU know that what you do every day, and the fruits of it, are bullshit.  But nobody ever attacks the people who made the cage, just the other people that are in there with them.  The people who think you’re so rad that they just wanna be next to you, in the cage, and don’t even mind if you bitch and moan and fail, as long as you keep loving them.

My rhyme

I’m the: Shaman of Smile  Shine love beams for miles  Share free flowing peace As wide as the Nile

Call me: Stella du nord A bliss warrior Honest intentions Clean soul are my sword

My life: Manifests gifts My energy shifts To the sun or the friend That lights up my spliff

I’ve got: Trees from my friends A rose colored lens Strong as song circle No beginning or ends

My eyes: Open and green Tears clearing debris Heart chakra portals Love flows into me

selfish turned giving . judging’s not living . we all do our best . love is the real thing